I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize