wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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