He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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