All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
