I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
