sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm sobbing to NWA
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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