Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My pussy is not your playground.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
