I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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