it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
