If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
