Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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