I showed him my bush... on skype.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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