Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
