Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
