butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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