gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
