my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
