Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
