he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
