Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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