This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize