he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
