Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
