When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
