I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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