I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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