I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
