Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
