Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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