I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
