I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Panties = found
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
