i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
