we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
