u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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