return my video game
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
