chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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