My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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