Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
