take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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