im gay
i know
yea but for you.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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