she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
