I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
two words...techno handjob
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
