I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Randomize