i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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