I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
