how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
