At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
