I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My bed smells like the plague
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
