Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize