Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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