You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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