i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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