I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
