So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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