I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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