the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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