At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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